Wait, Were You Kidding or Not?

One problem common among people with Asperger's autism is a complete lack of social skills. All the unspoken rules most children pick up as easily as breathing must be taught to autistic children. Most parents do not realize the need to teach something they never had to be taught, and it takes their children hard years to learn these skills alone. Autistic children are often labeled as loners who don't even want to interact with others. I have always wondered if this disinterest in others is just part of autism for some people, or if it's learned after repeated failure in social situations.
When I was very young, I had no friends. None. Not even someone who pretended to be my friend. Sometimes another social outcast would talk to me, but even the outcasts usually had better options for interaction that me. It wasn't that I didn't want to make friends. In fact, the opposite of that was true. I desperately wanted a friend. I'd see groups of other people and marvel at how happy they looked together, wishing every moment it could be me. I felt like a ghost, completely separate and invisible. Looking back, I can see exactly why I couldn't make a single friend until I met another outcast in fifth grade: I didn't know how to interact.
Imagine being dropped on a planet full of aliens. They look just like humans, so they think you're one of them and expect you to play by their rules. The only problem is that their rules seem completely nonsensical and absolutely no one will tell you what they are. An alien talks to you with familiar English words, but you can't understand what he means. You unknowingly offend dozens of aliens because you don't observe their odd customs. Everywhere you turn you are shunned for reasons you don't understand, or seemingly no reason at all.
That was my life for many years. I would completely miss the importance of everyday things like a handshake. Even after I made friends with a fellow outcast and began to try and mimic them, I would often trip over every social hurdle presented and fall flat on my face. One example is being asked how you are. The correct answer is "Good. How are you?" It took me years to understand that people didn't really want to know how I was when they asked. After learning the correct response, I tried using it. People would give me strange looks when I gave the answer, and I had no idea why. I was giving the same answer as everyone else, so what was the problem? It was how I said it. I said it rather emotionlessly and quickly because it all seemed like a pointless formality to me, which was not what others expected. Still, since no one pointed out what my mistake was, it was a long time before I figured out the problem.
Another thing that impairs social skills in children with autism, especially Asperger's, is eye contact. Many aspies find eye contact extremely uncomfortable, so they avoid it. This means that a lot of communication is missed completely. Remember how I said I knew I was giving my response wrong somehow because the other person gave me a funny look? I had no idea people communicated with their faces beyond a smile or frown until junior high, because no one pointed it out to me before then. I would never know if what I did was a success or a failure because I wasn't getting any more feedback than you would from a brick wall. This led to many broken social rules and accidental insults where I didn't even know I had done anything incorrectly.
I think the day when I gave up on most social interaction was around first grade, when a new kid came to the school. I decided that I would stop being the weird kid so this person who didn't know me would become my friend. I failed miserably. I think this is why so many aspies stop interacting with others completely. It's often no more than thinking you can do nothing but fail.
Today, as a senior in high school, I still don't know all the unwritten social rules. I still find non-literal speech going right over my head, and I could count the number of facial expressions I am able to reliably read on my fingers. Luckily, I've been able to make a few more friends, and being around them teaches me every day. With friends, I can ask questions like "why did he laugh at that?" or "why did he just touch him on the shoulder?" and actually get answers. In this way, I have gone from being 'that weird kid' to seeming like a normal teenager.