I used to think I was just naturally clumsy, but after much researching of autism, it turns out that may not have been the case. It seems clumsiness is, when combined with many other things, a sign of autism! Who knew. Now I know why I'm constantly knocking things over, running into things (and I don't mean brushing a wall with your shoulder, I mean taking a large bead post to the chest), tripping, and dropping things. It seems that I'm simply not as aware of where my body is in space as the average person is.
This brings me to the point of this entry, if in a bit of a roundabout way: Do you tell a kid if they've been diagnosed with autism? This is a big issue for many parents. What if they feel like they're not as good as other people because they have autism? What if they think it means they will never succeed? Over the internet, I've heard many parents worry over this.
Usually, this is where I weigh the pros and cons out for you to see, then tell you to use your best judgment in deciding for yourself. This is the exception to the rule, as I think there is only one viable choice. I believe you must tell.
Back to first paragraph now. How do you think I felt when I walked straight into a thick bedpost that I was looking straight at? Stupid. I felt like an idiot. Then, I learned that it wasn't entirely my fault. Yes, it still hurt to walk into in, but I didn't feel like an idiot anymore. Then there's social situations. If you've read some other entries of this blog, you'll know that I once failed miserably at interacting normally even when trying my absolute hardest. That made me feel like I couldn't get anything right, like I shouldn't even try. I felt broken, rejected. To this day, I have trouble putting 100% into anything because some part of me is still sure that I will fail at everything I really want. Several years and one diagnosis later, I no longer feel like a failure when faltering in a social situation. I know now that it's not entirely my fault, and that makes me want to keep trying. I'm not so stupid that I can't do anything right, I just have to try again.
I never want any autistic child to wonder 'What is wrong with me?!' I don't want them to have to think they're a stupid failure, or to think they can only mess up everything they try. I don't want them to be afraid to keep trying.
Any parents of an autistic child reading this, please, tell your child. Explain that it's not they're fault, that they can succeed if they keep trying. Make sure they know that autism is not a disability. Disabilities stop people, and now that I know what I'm up against, I never let Asperger's stop me. Let the child know that there's nothing wrong with them, but that their brain works differently. Help turn helpless failure in their future to a battle won, a success.
Hi Shira,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on telling. I didn't actually get diagnosed with Asperger's until a year ago when I was 48. However, I was lucky enough to put a lot of things together, (including having an electrical engineer's understanding of what must go on in brains) and figure out that I was neurologically weird in some way that explained a diversity of things.
I did some research, and then had myself tested and diagnosed as "learning disabled". I tried communicating some of the social issues to the person doing the testing, and he chalked it up to just being 'my style'. I don't know that there was much awareness of Asperger's here in the US at the time. (1988)
Even having the objective evidence of my neurological weirdness, and a label of "learning disabled" helped me to stop beating myself up for ways I seemed to fail at things, that everyone else seemed to do effortlessly.
It is much better now that there is more known about the characteristics of those with autism spectrum disorders. I think it would be pretty cruel to withold such information.
I was very lucky to get a diagnosis relatively early, even if I didn't understand what it meant at first. I am equally glad no one ever labeled me as learning disabled. That would have absolutely crushed me.
DeleteIt is only recently that people with Asperger's began to get an accurate diagnoses. Most people were slapped with one of a million (or several different) labels from OCD to stubborness. Then there was the time when they thought autism was caused by your mom not loving you enough, and that didn't go well for anyone.